People often say, “a promise is a debt,” and I have lost count of the times I have broken my word. A promise is a commitment to something that someone expects, and the more they expect or desire it, the greater the disappointment and sense of betrayal when that promise goes unfulfilled. Someone who expects little can hardly be disappointed by a promise, and with low expectations, a surprise is almost always welcome or meaningful. To someone who expects nothing and is given something, what greater joy could there be!
Over time, I have learned to promise less and bind myself less, because I came to understand that anything done merely out of obligation is easily broken. I do not like breaking my word, just as I do not believe anyone else does. I do not think anyone feels good about letting another person down.
One could fall into nihilism and see no value in something so fickle, so unstable; or one could try to understand why some promises are kept and others are not. The promises I have kept, or that have been kept in my name, are all those I made from the heart.
So, was the promise itself the problem, or was it the place from which it had been made?
A promise made from the heart is immovable, unassailable, impenetrable. It is the journey of Odysseus and his longing to return home. Whoever is moved by the heart remains faithful to themselves, and no hardship can stand in their way. No adversity can win a battle against a sincere heart.
I know that, if I am not to betray myself or my word, I must be so painfully honest with myself that neither space nor time can impose conditions on how I feel, how I think, or how I live.
So free, so loyal, so authentic that there may be no empty promises conditioned by empty dreams, but paths born of deep longings, so desired and so worthy of desire that I could not, nor would I wish to, disregard them under any circumstances.