At this point in the film, I finally understand why I never quite took the steps needed to dazzle, to prepare tempting bait that my prey might take without a second thought. I would always think to myself: “If I really wanted to, I could rise above the average and build an identity around something superficial to obtain a beautiful body to ‘fall in love’ with.”
Yet instinctively, I knew the reward would not be worth the effort. Still, because I did not yet understand this clearly, I kept falling into the pit of “I want to, but I can’t,” making tentative attempts that went nowhere for lack of motivation. Deep inside, I was certain of one thing: I would get more of the same. My emptiness added to someone else’s. A dead end.
Two voids that would occasionally cover each other up with fleeting, transient pleasures, only for frustration and conflict to return once the truth came out. It was a story that had repeated itself too many times, and I already knew its ending perfectly. With that prospect ahead, how could I find the motivation?
Deep down, what I sought was a whole being, a light to bathe me, a constant smile, unconditional support, and the intimacy that lies within genuine connections. Such connections never happen in darkness; they always happen in light: purity meeting purity, innocence meeting innocence, light meeting light. They can exist only in the light, the only place where Love dwells.
I have come to understand that I could only reach the light I longed for by being that light myself.
That meaning could only join with meaning.
That truth could only join with truth.
That they were one shared feeling, one shared thought.