As mentioned in the film The Matrix, there is a fundamental equation through which the world constantly rebalances itself to achieve stability. This equation provides a setting in which conflict can be sustained without complete collapse. That is the balance of opposite poles, the balance of yin and yang.
And what are these opposite poles? The giver and the receiver: star–planet, masculine–feminine, positive–negative, saviour–victim, perpetrator–victim, abundance–lack.
The first thing to bear in mind is that these positions are often labelled “masculine” and “feminine,” but they are actually relative positions of power and therefore have nothing to do with the sex of the person occupying them.
Below are the two main terms of the equation, remembering that each is defined in relation to the other:
The giver: the one in the position of power, the abundant one, the “ugly” one, the one “unworthy of love,” the more independent one, the saviour or perpetrator—upon failing as a saviour—the one who decides whether the relationship continues or ends, the one who holds the reins, the one who “loves” the other less.
The receiver: the one in a position of weakness, the one who lacks, the “beautiful” one, the one “worthy of love,” the less independent one, the victim—the one who must be saved or punished—the more dependent one, unable to let go of the relationship because they perceive themselves as needy, the one who “loves” the other more.
These characteristics do not refer to “objective facts,” but to the subjective perception of whoever plays each role at a particular moment. They therefore do not describe what a person is, but the relative position from which they perceive themselves and the other person within a relationship.
These two energies have a strong magnetism and are powerfully attracted to each other. Otherwise, they would flee from one another, because their “union” involves intense conflict. Relationships of interdependence are, by definition, destructive. They are the cage in which their participants lock themselves and in which, at best, a loose balance exists: the giver does not restrict too much—giving love rather than punishing—and the receiver does not demand too much—neither smothering nor punishing.
A healthy relationship is a relationship between givers. An unconditional relationship, and therefore one without any cage or interdependence. True love can exist only in this kind of relationship, because there is freedom and neither person demands that the other be a particular way to compensate for their own inner lack.
It is a relationship of mutual, unconditional love, and the word “unconditional” is the key, because love is either unconditional or it simply is not love. Love that is not unconditional is an illusion of love, a self-deception; it is merely dependence disguised as love.
And what is the most unhealthy relationship in the ego’s dream?
The most unbalanced one, in which the giver stands at one extreme and the receiver at the other: the relationship between idols and idolaters. It is the extreme distance between the one who considers themselves superior and the one who considers themselves inferior.
The idol gives in order to make the idolater completely dependent on them, utterly subjugated and at their mercy. This is where cult-like dynamics and the deepest blindness are found: believing that someone has more right than you or can be better than you. Just as we know that they cannot have less right or be inferior either.
giver←— máx. distance —→ receiver
idol ←————————————→ idolater
superior ←—————————→ inferior
abundant ←———————→ lacking
less needy ←→ more needy