What a paradox!
Perhaps the greatest of all!
I do for the sake of doing,
because I have to do.
I do in order to be,
to become.
I do and undo.
I do and fall short.
What I do has no worth.
What I do is not enough.
No one sees me.
I remain in a dark room.
I try to turn on the light,
to see something in the mirror.
There is no light, nor any reflection.
I run out of breath amid silent stammering.
Why does my emptiness hurt so much?
Why does what is not hurt so much?
What does nothingness seek so tirelessly?
Perhaps just a peaceful memory.
Perhaps something to set it free.
What I do does not recognise me,
for it declares that what is
once ceased to be.
Damn it!
What a damned joke!
My life could well be a heartfelt sentence.
Perhaps even that is too much wasted energy.
Better a single word lived.
One true moment in a sea of lies.
To stop being deception protecting more deception.
The illusion that wishes it could win a lost battle.
Sometimes I dream of being a new shoot.
How fleeting those things that seem so real!
They are like lights flickering for moments.
I know full well that light and lies cannot coexist.
I could not see a glimmer and keep wasting my life.
What a heavy burden fear is!
Always intent on hiding what is authentic.
Perhaps one day,
when I close my eyes,
I will discover a map written on my eyelids.
Busy days wasted, with many questions and no answers.
Carefree days lived, pursuing nothing and finding everything.
May the apple fall unexpectedly upon my head,
so I can bite into it and return to where it all began.
Drink once more of the poison that killed me.
Perhaps this time I will find no death,
perhaps this time only Love.